We came across a website which featured an Internet MeMe relating to 30 Days of Kink, where you are meant to write a new blog post every day, for 30 days, answering a collection of questions. I was concerned that this might flood the homepage of the blog, so I’ve decided to answer all 30 on this page. The questions could be answered in full depth, but I’ve tried to keep it relatively short… but this still could be a long read!
Each “day” will have the question above it in bold italic and then my answer underneath… hopefully this will be readable 🙂
Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
My kinky self is best defined as a sub, as well as a pup. To a degree, many parts of BDSM interest me, but obviously some more than others. The major part which interests me is the loss of control and the safety and security of being a sub. As the website sidebar says, I also enjoy the ability to just switch off from normal day-to-day life when dropping in to pup mode – where everything is simple and relaxing. Although, this also applies to other situations from a BDSM perspective – normal “play time” can also have the same effect.
Another part of BDSM that interests me is the ability to try new things… dangling upside down by your feet, for example, is not something that you would normally expect to do in day-to-day life – but is something that, through the BDSM world, I have experienced and thoroughly enjoyed.
BDSM is also a hidden secret – only certain people know and are partial to the information, which means it’s “exciting” (for want of a better word for describing it) and risky – and means that people have to develop new skills to be able to play in potentially awkward situations (living with parents, modern houses with thin walls etc.)
Aside from the BDSM aspect, I have other ‘kinks’ as well, for example the wearing of skin-tight clothing from simple swimming trunks to full-bodied Zentai and Wetsuits. I feel comfortable wearing these to the extent that I can go wandering around London, or Supermarkets wearing them without worry or feeling embarrassed – although wet wetsuits do tend to be frowned upon 🙂
List your kinks.
Where to begin with this…
My most prominent kink is Pup Play, which I manage to sneak in to day-to-day life as well in small amounts. This is closely followed by a love of skin-tight clothing.
Other things that I’m interested in include Bondage, Cages, Cock and Ball Torture – (CBT), Electro, Hypnosis, Latex / Rubber, Long Term Sessions, Lycra, Metal Restraints, Mummification, Orgasm Control, Permanent Marking, Piercing, Pup Play, Rope Work, Vacuum – Bed, Vacuum – Pumping.
How did you discover you were kinky?
My kink side started when I was bought, as a joke, a novelty thong. However, I discovered how comfortable these were to wear, and started my love of them. My wardrobe of underwear then went on to develop to be full of thongs, and on leaving my parents, the skin-tight clothing started to become more apparent, closely followed by buying my first Zentai from ebay. Pup play came about from that, when I purchased the first of what is now my “trademark” Dalmatian print Zentai. Pup play seemed so natural when this happened, that the rest is history.
Unfortunately, I can’t quite remember how the BDSM side fully started, but I know it was on sleepovers away from home and started as a bit of fun.
Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
The biggest early experience that hints at some of my kinky side is probably the wearing of wetsuits when I was younger when at outward bound centres doing kayaking, canoeing, scuba diving etc.
I can’t really think of anything else in my early years that would have hinted at the kinky side of life.
What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
I think the first kinky experience I had was probably strip twister with a load of mates… however, it wasn’t really ‘kinky’ but the risk element played a big part in it.
My earliest kinky sexual experience (or rather, the earliest I can remember) came about after buying some toys in what I’d now describe as a “plastic toys” high street sex shop and then taking them home and playing with them – as well as being tied up using a dressing gown cord as a starting point. From this, it all developed… starting off as a light-hearted bit of fun, and ending up in what is really now a lifestyle choice.
Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
It’s not really a sexual fantasy as such, but my biggest wish comes from my pup side of life… I would love to be micro-chipped as per a domestic pet.
I don’t really have one definitive sexual fantasy but a couple of them are probably weird compared to the normal. One of these is to have a full body cast (sans face) completed on me with fibre-glass medical-type bandages. I’m also intrigued by the thoughts of saline infusion in the scrotal area. As I say, there’s no true ‘top 10’ of what I’d like to try… just random ideas.
What’s your favourite toy?
LOL, does this question really need answering… As a pup, anything on the floor is a toy to me 😀 … From pup life, my blue chew ring which has even been towed in to work before to keep me from losing my temper. *wags*
From the kink side of life, my favourite toys are probably ankle cuffs for suspension, E-stim control boxes and associated ancillaries and the vac bed.
Post a kinky image you find erotic.
As most of the kinky images I like are located on sites where you have to be a member to see them, reproducing them here is not something I’m willing to do… however, I will see if I can find a “safe” image to share.
Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
I don’t really know of any kink related songs or music videos – whether I enjoy them or not… unless you count “spot the dog” theme tune as my ring-tone on my phone. *woofles*
What are your hard limits?
My hard limits are Watersports and Scat. There probably are other hard limits, however, at the current time, I’ve not found them yet or if I have found them, my current owner does not subject me to these activities thus I can’t specifically remember them. However, other strong limits do exist, but they are not ‘hard limits’ as per how the question is being asked.
What are your views on the ethics of kink?
I’m not sure if this is quite what the question was talking about, and whether it would be considered ethics or not… but my answer to my interpretation of the question would be as follows.
Within the kink community, there has to be a degree of mutual respect and rules, between partners and friends in the kink community – even though the majority of these will be unwritten rules.
If I was to meet a colleague at a Fetish event, I would expect them to not mention that I was there or discuss it with me around other work colleagues, unless we’ve both given consent for it to be discussed; in much the same way that I would not mention that I’d met them at the event to anyone without their consent.
To one extent, in much the same way as it’s considered bad form to out someone as gay, it is bad form to out someone as kinky.
Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
I’ll have a think to see if I can find another option, however, one that sticks in my mind at the moment comes from when we were out taking the pictures for the Circle Line as part of our Tube Project.
An announcement was made over the full station PA at South Kensington while we were on the platform announcing that Cruella De Ville has lost one of her puppies, and it’s on Platform x.
A second humorous moment in my kink life was when I was approached by my sister asking what moisturiser I use as my neck appeared to be shiny in photographs my mum had taken, but only in about a 1 inch strip around my neck. On reviewing some photographs at home – it suddenly dawned on me what the issue was – it’s the 1inch strip where my dog collar rubs! I went to explain this to my sister the next time I saw her but her blasse response was: “Oh, that’s all right, mum and I worked out it was your dog collar”. This took me rather by surprise, however, because of the way the response was said – they obviously don’t have a problem with it.
Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
The simple answer to this is that I’m drawn to kink and BDSM as a complete escape from normal life – the complexities of a day at work, or having to go and do the weekly shop are completely forgotten about when I’m acting as a pup or being tied up and tormented.
How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
For real life BDSM, there has to be a huge element of trust between the participating parties whereas in fantasy, you can say that body modifications are a good thing – where as in real life, they are with you permanently. Another way in which they differ is that things are not always as easy in real life as they may seem to be in fantasy – preparation takes time, the art of carrying out the activity may take time etc.
Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
A Vac Cube, rather than a Vac Bed.
What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
One of the most difficult aspects day to day is knowing when not to publicise it – especially if you’ve had a good time and want to tell the world, or someone asks what you did last night and you’ve been off playing in a dungeon.
It’s also particularly tricky to find a domestic partner who understands and respects the kink and BDSM side of life, even if they are not particularly involved in that way of life too.
Juggling domestic life to have a sensible balance of play and work, and general domestic relaxation… I think in everyone’s dream world, in the environment of kink and BDSM, would love to live that lifestyle 24/7, however, as we all know, this is not that easy to do. In addition to that, trying to fit in the kink/BDSM world when you live with parents, non-kinky housemates or in a non-accepting environment, having to hide the kink can be incredibly frustrating.
What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Probably for 95% of the kink world, it is perfectly legal. Yes, it may be strange, and awkward to understand, however, it makes us all smile in much the same way that a social drink in the pub makes some people smile and a cuddle in the back row of the cinema makes other people smile. We all have our oddities, it is human nature, if you don’t like it, then walk away; I certainly wouldn’t impose my kink upon someone who doesn’t want to know. Additionally, the majority of kinky people are all perfectly normal, being kinky does not instantly make you weird.
Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
I think my biggest pet peeve is about the complete lack of thought that goes in to the posts made on forums on various kink websites… the majority of forums tend to have people that make posts where it takes numerous readings of the posts before it becomes comprehensible what they are trying to say. As someone that’s dyslexic, but manages to type posts with grammatical English and reasonable spelling, it’s also annoying when they use dyslexia as an excuse… if you have problems, type it in to word, run it through the spell checker, and copy and paste it back – at least people may then be able to understand it.
Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
When the pup side of life started developing strongly in me, other people started noticing that I was a lot happier in day to day life, and have made comments to me to this nature. From this point of view, I think the kink has definitely improved my life, and I’m slightly more outgoing than I once was.
Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
This is actually quite hard and I can’t think of anything specifically – anything I’m curious about or don’t understand, I’ve gone off and done some research in to it or left it be. However, when visiting events like the BBB and Erotica, I do sometimes wonder about some of the toys that are on display – e.g “How would you use that?” or “Ouch!!!!!”. However, most of the time, this isn’t a serious curiosity or mis-understanding as such, just general observations.
Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
The only BDSM-related book that I have is the book called “Woof” – as you may have guessed by it’s name, the book is related to pup play and all of it’s intricacies and oddities.
What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
One of the major things which is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy is having absolute trust in your partner – that they’ll respect your limits, look after you in situations and may be the one thing between you being alive or dead. This is especially important in relationships where Breath Play is used (however, this is something which I do not wish to explore ). Trust is also important in vanilla relationships, for some of the same reasons, but also additional ones.
I think another major factor in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy is variety – being able to do different things in terms of kink, in much the same way as a ‘vanilla’ relationship would probably enjoy variety in terms of sexual positions (look at the quantity in the Kama Sutra).
Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I suppose my kink interests have changed since I first developed an interest – as more kinks become apparent to me and/or my partner(s) then your interest in them changes / develops / grows. However, my perspective hasn’t really changed and none of my original kinks have every really died out – 10 years later and I still wear thongs for underwear, wetsuits etc.
What qualities do you look for in a partner?
The major quality in a partner is someone who can take me for who I am – domestic side, kink side and pup side all rolled in to one. Other qualities that I would look for in a partner are probably much the same as you would look for in a vanilla relationship: trust, personality, their lifestyle etc.
How open are you about your kinks?
Some of them, I’m very open about in the right company. Many people know about the Spot side of life, but not all to the same degree. Some of my closest friends know the full story, while other friends just know of ‘Spot’ but not anything deeper than that. To the extent, that even some of my family know about Spot and the full side of life, including the master/slave relationship I’m currently in.
One thing that I will not do though, is force my kinks on anyone that is not interested – if they enquire about things then I’ll generally let them know some things, but keeping it gentle and potentially working up to deeper things. However, if they show no interest, then I don’t tell them anything.
What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Online BDSM play is not really something I’ve participated in. I have in the past received instructions from my owner online, but these have mainly been because we’ve been away from home separately, or before he moved down locally to me. However, this was not truly online BDSM play, more just a convenient extension to our ‘offline’ BDSM play.
I’m not sure an online BDSM relationship would work for me specifically, as I can not see how it fully can. However, if it works for other people, then who am I to criticise?
Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
My main non-kink interest that finds it’s way in to kinky activities is my love of electronics, building things etc. To the extent that I’ve prototyped a spreader bar (making use of my interest in welding) and I’ve also attempted to make some devices for controlling an E-Stim Remote before… however, doing this while wired up to it wasn’t the best of ideas.
I also run and go kayaking, which I guess ‘legitimises’ my kink and justifies the owning of wetsuits and lycra to those not in the know.
How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
This depends on the nature of the kink/BDSM play.
Generally, in “public” at play nights, I’ll be dressed in the Spot Zentai outfit, usually complete with Pets at Home dog harness, rubber paws and probably a chew toy 🙂
In public (generally) I may be found wearing Lycra just out and about while wandering around town.
For other playtime activities, it ranges from wearing absolutely nothing to anything that’s appropriate for the activity we’re undertaking.
Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
I suppose my main BDSM title is ‘puppy’ and also ‘slave’. I’m lesser keen on the word slave, I understand I am, and that’s why I have my SLRN, but to me, it’s too strong a word considering the history behind the word. Due to the nature of the relationship I have with my owner, I don’t tend to refer to him as ‘master’ or ‘sir’, mainly in case these slip out at the wrong time – eg. round the dinner table with parents! However, I am happy to call him ‘owner’ when talking or typing to people who don’t know my owner personally.
However, this is a situation that has been agreed with the parties concerned, and I respect other kinksters who “demand” their slaves call them sir etc. as this works for them.
Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
In the 3 years that I’ve been going to fetish clubs, fetish events and other non-fetish but sexual events (eg. Erotica, BBB) one thing I’ve noticed is that to a degree, I am looked down on in terms of attending these events. However, this is usually not due to the fact I’m a sub / pup (who tend to be looked down anyway in the hierarchy) but due to the fact that I’m wearing Lycra – and not something mainstream or ‘masculine’ like Leather or Rubber.
Lycra appears to be seen as a ‘lower’ fetish and it seems that it’s not “butch” enough to be looked at and respected by those in other ‘communities’. Due to Lycra not being as mainstream a fetish, there are not many events which are specifically aimed at Lycra or where Lycra will fit in as part of the published dress code – however, I am prepared to be corrected on this. Lycra is often accepted, but before making the journey to the event, I’ve had to seek clarification from the event organisers in advance.
This also leads to another issue – and that is one of footwear. Many events/venues do not like trainers, however, the nature of Lycra means that it is normally used for sport (eg. running) thus trainers are actually part of the overall outfit – you wouldn’t be out running in Doc Marten boots or polished black shoes. I can understand the no trainers policy to a degree, when it is used in combination with ‘no jeans’ type policies to discourage people off the street, but some discretion has to be applied by the people running events.